Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
