that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
