my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
