how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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