How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
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tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Drunk is not a location!
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