I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Your penis caused this!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize