This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think my vagina is haunted
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
