I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
