is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
