i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
