New low: just hacked my moms facebook
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
