he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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