Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
