Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she peed on how many people?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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