I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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