I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
