I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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