standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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