i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
