if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
