I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i came on her dog
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
