how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
