I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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