i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
