He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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