Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
