so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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