Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
