Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
