On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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