Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
