I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
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