apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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