I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
