Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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