Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
