Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
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please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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