The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
