What did we do last night that was yellow?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
