New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
