FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
