dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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