Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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