Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i out mim tonsoeep
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
