your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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