i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
