Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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