I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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