so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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