is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
