I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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