Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
