i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
