do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
