I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
