Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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