I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
