Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
