Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
