Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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