I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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