I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
