Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
don't judge my taste in strippers
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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