I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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