I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
