i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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