The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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