So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
