Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
