did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
