I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
