you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i now understand why vodka
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
