where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
