could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
