hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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