He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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