I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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