I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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