She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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