hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
