I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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