Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
