The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
