wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
