Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just want nice things and good sex
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
