I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
