I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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