Dude i fell asleep inside of her
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
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You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
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No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min