he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he was CRYING into my vagina
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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